Saying Goodbye
by chunkyapple
Summary: College is supposed to be about letting loose, growing up, and discovering yourself. For Tamaki, a rude awakening made her realize how lost she was. So in order to move forward, she had to say goodbye to several things, including herself. COLLEGE AU. SEQUEL TO PROMPOSAL.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything.

* * *

Before It All

"I thought college was supposed to be fun."

Kiba looked up at his girlfriend. She was laying down on the bed with her laptop and a notebook.

He smirked, getting up from his spot at her desk and walked over to sit on the bed with her. "Need a break?"

"Yes," she whined. "I can't take all this studying."

It was their first semester in college, and they were nearing finals week. Kiba had joined Tamaki in her single dorm as insurance to keep each other on track. They weren't taking the same courses, but it always helped to have a study buddy.

He set aside her supplies onto the desk, making room for himself to lay down next to her.

"Just one more week and then we'll be home for winter break," he sighed. "We got this."

"Easy for you to say," she scooted closer to him. "All of your classes are just having final exams. I have group projects on top of that."

He shrugged, "You should've been a STEM major."

"Shut up," she whispered. She was tired from all the terms and formulas. She leaned forward to kiss him and he followed through. It wasn't long before he was on top of her, pinning her down and deepening their make out session.

His right hand roamed down to the hem of her shirt, and as it traveled up against her skin, she moved her head away, breathing heavily.

"Kiba, wait..." she said meekly.

He sighed loudly into her neck. He was impatient, but he wasn't going to force anything. "Sorry," he pushed himself, sitting back up. His hand ruffled his hair while he looked away, trying to calm himself.

"Sorry." Tamaki sat up, pulling her knees towards her body. "I just..."

"It's okay," he turned towards her, putting his arm around her. "You know I love you."

She looked into his eyes. She loved how patient and sincere he was.

College was hard, but they had somehow managed to make it through their first semester together. They partied, learned their limits, socialized with new people, experienced probably the toughest classes yet, but they were still in love and she was so grateful.

But something wasn't right.

"Can I tell you something?" she spoke softly.

"Sure?"

"I'm..." she hesitated.

He used his hand to force her face to look back at his direction. "What's up?"

"I feel a little lost here," her eyes trailed down to the bed. "Even though it's still our first semester, everybody feels like they're moving and I'm kind of stuck. I'm not upset or anything, but I just want to be going somewhere."

He sighed, "Is this about the whole summer internship thing?"

"No, not just that," she tried leaning away from him but he wouldn't let go of her shoulder. "I said I'd take it slow, but I kind of regret not joining a club or organization. It feels like I haven't made any real friends here; I don't even hang out with my dorm."

"So..." he looked at her expectantly.

He and the others had suggested several times Tamaki tried branching out, but she was too timid and reluctant. Even Hinata had found an honor society to study with; it was just an educational-focused group, but at least it helped her get out of her comfort zone when it came to relationships. Other members even introduced her to a church group that sparked her interest. She wasn't religious, but enjoyed the company of others and shared similar traits that boosted her confidence.

"So... I'm thinking of trying for that business fraternity next semester," she finally breathed out.

He finally let go, scooting further away with a blank look on his face. That was probably the last thing he was expecting.

"What?"

"What?" she started growing nervous. "Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"No, no," he shook his head. "I'm just surprised. I thought you'd say something like, join that Christian club Hinata's in. You seemed so against fraternities and sororities before."

"Ugh," she fell over, leaning on her side with her head facing the other direction from him. "I'm definitely not a big fan of them, but this is different. This is a business fraternity. I think they'd really help me gain the confidence and experience I need to move forward. And after seeing Sasuke so close with his, maybe I can find a group of people that can motivate me. It'd be different - I'd have friends outside of our circle, but it'd also be kind of nice too, you know?"

"Tamaki," he tried pulling her back up but she didn't move her body. "Okay, fine, just lay there. Look, you don't need to justify your decision with me."

She turned to look back at him. "I don't?"

"No," he smiled. "I joined some clubs and you supported me. It's not like you're going off to some skanky sorority to meet a bunch of frat dudes. I'm surprised you'd do something like a business fraternity, but it sounds like a good idea. Sasuke turned out just fine."

"Yeah, that's true," she held out her hand and he laced his fingers with hers. "I'm not joining Sasuke's though, they're a little too intense for me."

He shrugged, "I had a feeling. Kap-sigs are all assholes. You're going to do lambdas, right?"

"Yeah," she sat back up. "I'm scared, but I think I need this. I feel like I haven't really been productive with my time here. I spend most of my time in my room or yours."

"I don't have any issues with that," he grinned, waggling his eyebrows. "Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Your big has to be a girl."

"Kiba!" she giggled. She pushed him over and climbed on top, resting her forehead against his.

"Just kidding," he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

Division

Tamaki held tightly on her purse, sitting at the back of the shuttle. She was on her way to the second event of rush week for the business fraternity.

The first day had been relatively easy - a presentation on the fraternity, its accomplishments and requirements, and speeches from the president and alumni. Afterwards, snacks and drinks were provided for potential members as they mingled with the brothers. It was short and very informative.

She loved the people she had met and the vibe they had given off. The fraternity that Sasuke had joined was so... different.

They were more intense. Each conversation felt like they were testing her to see if she'd be good enough. Like they wanted her to prove herself. In other words, they were a bit obnoxious and she didn't like them.

Nothing against them though - she knew it'd be a good environment for Sasuke. He was competitive and would thrive in something more cut throat like that.

This fraternity was a bit more relaxed. They were more focused on the professional aspects and didn't talk as much about partying and crushing the competition. Overall, they were just a better fit for her personality. She really felt like she could gain a lot from them if they decided to give her a bid.

**Good luck!**

The text message preview shown on her phone. She smiled. It was the first week of the new semester, and Kiba had been so sweet about supporting her. He was busy with his own activities and was hanging out with the group tonight, but he still was there to calm her nerves.

The shuttle slowed down to her stop. She exited off along with several other students and began walking towards the business building. Today's event was a resume/cover letter workshop. If she wasn't going to get a bid, at least she'd be getting something out of this week.

* * *

The night she got the phone call, it was a mixture of shock and giddiness. Most of the group was at some random house party hosted by one of the Greek sororities. She stepped into a small closet to take the phone call and came out grinning ear-to-ear.

"I got it!" she ran forward, jumping onto Kiba to give him a hug.

"Called it," he smirked. He kept one arm around her, while his other hand picked up a paper shot cup. "Time to celebrate!"

"Alright!" Naruto grabbed the handle of vodka, swinging it up in the air. "This one's for you, Tamaki!"

The others joined in, cheering and holding up their own drinks.

She released one arm to grab a drink and held it up. "Here's to hoping I don't die this quarter!"

* * *

The pledging process was a long, torturous 8 week system that was meant to break her down, build her professional and networking skills, and bring her closer to her pledge brothers and big.

During the second week, she was paired with her big brother.

Her name was Rio. She was a 3rd year double major in Accounting and Dance and if Tamaki wasn't straight, she'd probably have a big, fat lesbian crush on her. The girl was pretty, she wasn't the hottest girl on the planet but just the way she carried herself was enough to get people feeling some type of way.

She was exactly who Tamaki wanted to be. She was outspoken and confident. She didn't care what people thought and wasn't afraid to challenge others. She made it known that she didn't care about holding a position in the fraternity but she still helped out when necessary. She was involved in a dance crew on campus and had a part-time internship at a startup. She wore clothes that probably attracted attention based on how much skin was showing, but she was also a strong feminist that could probably beat a guy up if he catcalled her.

Tamaki was in love with her. Being paired up with her was a sign of hope. She needed as much help as possible, and if she could learn to even be half as confident as Rio, she'd be satisfied.

She had gotten to introduce most of her friends to Rio, and they all seemed to have positive feedback. Kiba seemed to be grateful that Rio turned out to be a girl, so she couldn't imagine anything going wrong.

It was only the second week and she was probably stressed out of her mind, but at least she had a big that she got along with.

"I'm sorry," she spoke into the phone. "I have a meeting with the pledges and all the bigs tonight."

"It's fine," Kiba sighed. "We'll find time later. Is it cool if I watch the new marvel movie without you then?"

"Yeah, totally," her free hand was busy stuffing her laptop into her messenger bag. "I have a feeling I won't be able to watch anything until I finish pledging. I got to go, I'll text you when I get back tonight."

They said goodbye and hung up. The next few weeks was probably going to be like this, but she didn't really mind. She had her eyes set on the finish line.

* * *

The lack of sleep and stress from the projects were starting to get to her.

"Oh shit," she mumbled. Her phone was being flooded by messages from her pledge brothers. Apparently, one of their sponsors for an event they were putting on had backed out.

"What's wrong?"

She was studying in the library with Kiba, Sakura, and Sasuke. Midterms were approaching and this was probably one of the very few times she had seen him.

"Sorry, I have to go," she grumbled. "One of our contacts backed out for our charity event and we need to meet to come up with a plan b."

"I thought you said you were behind on studying?" Kiba furrowed his brow. He was clearly upset that she had to cancel their study date. Again.

"I am, but I really need to solve this," she was already closing her laptop and notebooks. "Sasuke, can I take these notes with me? I promise I'll give them back tomorrow."

"Sure," he rested his chin in his palm. "I type my notes too, you can just give it back to me whenever."

"Thanks," she didn't even look at them. She was growing more and more upset at the abrupt news.

"Tamaki." Kiba frowned, "What about dinner?"

"I'll just buy something later, I don't know." She sighed, her fingers combed through her bangs. They were too long now to sit on top of her forehead and needed to be side swept. "Thanks guys, I'll see you later."

She jogged out of the library, despite the angry stares from the employees.

Kiba angrily pushed away his textbook, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling.

"Just 5 more weeks," Sakura tried to lighten the mood. "She'll be done and it'll be back to normal."

"I don't remember Sasuke being this absent."

"My pledging process was different," he raised an eyebrow. "We were hazed more than anything, and that was all in the middle of the night. She has to do a lot of projects and assignments."

"I guess..." he straightened up.

"Just try to be patient," Sakura pushed on. "She needs you."

* * *

"Why are you taking this out on me?"

"I'm not!" she groaned. "I'm just too stressed out right now."

"You're the one that wanted me over."

Kiba stood up from the bed, crossing his arms as he looked at her. Tamaki finally had a break Friday afternoon. She asked if Kiba wanted to hang out before her dinner with her pledge class, and he happily agreed.

They were sitting inside her dorm eating chips. She had spent most of their time updating him on the pledge class and mainly complaining about how unfair some of the assignments were. Kiba had mainly listened, but made small snarky comments which eventually ate away at her nerves.

"I did but-"

"You did?" he narrowed his eyes. "We haven't hung out this entire month because you've been so busy. Why call me over if you're just going to bitch at me the entire time?"

"What the hell?"

"I feel like you're not even listening to me."

"I am! You're just making rude comments about my friends."

"Yeah, cause you're complaining about them," he rolled his eyes. "If you hate this so much, why don't you just quit?"

"Because I need this, Kiba. I'm finally showing some progress and have some interviews lined up."

"Okay. You have some interviews. You might get an internship and I'm happy for you. When are you going to start responding to my messages? You leave for these meetings or parties and have me worried sick out of my mind. I haven't even met some of these people that you're going out to black out with. How do you think that makes me feel? You're too preoccupied to even realize what's going on around you."

Instead of getting angry, she shrank. It was rare that they had arguments, but whenever they did, it never ended well because she would just run away from the situation by avoiding his questions or accusations.

It wasn't until college did they start having these fights. The new environment brought in new friends and situations that she had trouble dealing with, which led to them clashing on ideas and miscommunication.

She looked away from him, choosing to stare at the floor.

"Don't do that," he sighed. He was angry, but it was hard getting anything done when she retreated.

They were silent. The air was thick with tension - he was angry and she was too scared to say anything. Normally, he would try to calm down and they would talk it out, but he was too frustrated.

She looked up and saw that he was putting his shoes back on.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I'll talk to you later," he mumbled. He was too angry to say anything else. If he did, there was always the possibility of him saying something that he'd end up regretting.

Her eyes became glassy as he stepped out, the heavy door closing by itself. This was the first time didn't resolve the situation right away.

* * *

**I'm sorry.**

Four hours later, he finally responded back saying it was fine.

It took her two days to muster up the courage to reach out to him. Sending the text message was nerve-wracking, and it was hard having to juggle her responsibilities while thinking of the best way to approach him.

She was feeling absolutely horrible. She was entering the fifth week of pledging, and at this point, everything felt like a mess. She was numb from the lack of sleep and stress-inducing engagements. If she had to describe everything in one word, she would call it a hurricane.

Today would be the first time her class would be going into an activity excited. They planned a large social event for the fraternity. There'd be pizza and soda while they played rounds of glow-in-the-dark mini golf. She'd finally be able to relax and not be so scared of the fraternity brothers.

"Ugh, this lip gloss is too sticky."

Natsumi was her pledge brother. She was a second year, but she was ditzier and focused on things that were a bit more shallow. The girl joined the fraternity to network and gain professional skills as she'd possibly be taking on her father's entertainment company after she graduated. She could be a bit annoying, but Tamaki knew she had a good heart.

"Can I try some?"

Natsumi looked over at her, surprised. "Sure. I thought you didn't wear make up?"

"Mm," she looked at the tube of glittery pink liquid. "I don't, but I kind of want to try getting into it. It looks fun and it'd be nice for going out and stuff."

"Oh my god, yes!" Natsumi jumped up and squealed. Her dyed blonde hair bounced effortlessly. "Finally! It's about time you started, Tamaki. Let's go shopping tomorrow. I can teach you everything."

"Can't we just buy it online during our study sessions? I don't really like going out to the mall."

"No!" she gasped. "We need to make sure we get you the right foundation. You can't just buy that online, silly!"

"Fine, fine," she gave in. "But nothing too expensive please. I still haven't gotten an internship yet."

They walked into the building. Their pledge class was already there, along with many of the fraternity brothers.

"About time!" Rio approached the two girls. "Come on, we're making bets on who will score higher, Aoi or Takano."

"You're supposed to be my big," Tamaki raised an eyebrow. "We shouldn't be gambling."

Rio pushed the two towards the lockers so they could put away their things. "And you shouldn't be drinking either but you definitely won't remember the party tonight."

The girls laughed. They continued joking and shoved their things inside a small locker. Rio suggested they keep their phones in there, as many of the brothers didn't like it when pledges were looking at them during activities. Tamaki complied and didn't even notice the other messages from Kiba. She was too busy finally enjoying herself.

* * *

That night, she was drunk out of her mind and escorted back to her dorm by Rio. The minute she entered her room, she flopped onto her bed and knocked out.

The next day, she woke up to more messages from Kiba.

He had been asking of her whereabouts, wondering if she had made it home safely from the party.

**Sorry, I got caught up and my phone died. I'm fine! Rio took me home.**

She quickly washed up and got ready to go shopping with Natsumi. She ran out of her building to meet at the bus stop. As first years, they didn't have cars so they relied on the shuttle system the university provided. Luckily, it was quite reliable and took students to the main shopping centers in town.

"You won't believe what happened last night," Natsumi grinned as she approached her.

"What?"

"Apparently, Takano got super drunk and he tried to kiss Rio."

"Oh my god," Tamaki covered her mouth with her hands. "That's so gross. He's a pledge!"

"And that's your big," the blonde pointed out. "Has she not talked to you about it?"

"No, I honestly slept the entire day. I haven't texted her yet." Tamaki looked down at her phone as she felt it vibrate.

**Ok.**

Her head stared at the screen. It was strange for Kiba to respond that way; normally he'd be more worried, or he'd ask how she was doing the night after. She shrugged it off as she continued her conversation with Natsumi. She'd worry about it later.

Right now, she just wanted to get be mindless with Natsumi.

* * *

Their conversations grew shorter and she barely saw Kiba. Only two more weeks of pledging and she just wanted it to be over and done with. They had one final project coming up and she had to balance it with her regular courses as well. It was crazy to think that her first year was ending, but she felt like she had accomplished so much in the last few weeks.

She had settled on living in an apartment with Hinata, Sakura, and Ino the next year. They had already applied and gotten approved.

Tamaki was so much closer to her pledge class now, and since the party with the fraternity, she found out how great everybody was and was excited to be a part of their organization.

She was sitting in her dorm, watching a Youtube video of a beauty guru's daily routine. In front of her were the little products that Natsumi had helped her pick out. She was still pretty new at the eyeshadow, but she was starting to get a hang of the foundation and contour routine. A knock on the door surprised her. It was only 8AM and she didn't have class for another hour.

Crossing over the clothes that were scattered on the floor, she opened the door to see Kiba standing outside.

"Oh, hey!" she smiled brightly. "It's so early, what're you doing here? I thought classes start in the afternoon for you on Wednesdays."

"Yeah, hey," he kept a straight face, looking sideways. "I just thought I'd stop by. I had a feeling you hadn't left for class yet."

"Nah, I'm still getting ready." She opened the door wider for him and walked back to her desk.

"Whoa, is that make up?"

"Yeah, Natsumi kind've roped me into it. I'm just testing it out though," she swiveled her desk chair to face him. "What's up? I'm surprised you got out of bed before noon."

"Well," his eyes shifted again. He was uncomfortable and having trouble looking straight at her. "It's just been a while since we got to hang out."

"I know," she sighed. "But just two more weeks and I won't be a pledge anymore. I promise, things will go back to the way it used to be."

"Will it?" he raised an eyebrow. "Should it?"

She blinked at his tone - it sounded passive aggressive. "What?"

"You said things will go back to the way it used to be, but is that really for the best?" he looked at her seriously. He wasn't smiling and he stood rigidly in front of her.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" her eyes panicked as her voice grew higher.

"Tamaki, you were so busy pledging this semester, I barely saw you. And every time we were together, you just complained about pledging. You spent all your free time with your fraternity and you didn't even bother checking in with me."

"I know, we talked about this before I started," she looked up at him, gripping the desk. "And I'm sorry, but it just took a toll on me. Once it's over, I'll-"

"Once it's over, we'll go back to where we were," he frowned. "That's great. That's just fucking great. But what happens if it gets busy again? You said yourself that Rio spent all her time with you. What happens when you decide to pick up a little?"

"W-well, it'll be pretty tiring, but..."

"And what happens if you just take it out on me again? Are you going to wait two fucking days before you apologize again?"

"Kiba," her vision was getting cloudy from her tears welling up. "I said I was sorry."

"You did." His jaw went hard. "But you didn't try to fix anything. I'm tired of being the one to call all the shots. Your idea of effort is just having fun with me. Whenever anything bad happens, I have to fix it because you're too scared to say anything."

Her eyes darted away, knowing how accurate his words were.

"And you still can't say anything," his voice cracked slightly. He lowered his head. "You made a lot of progress with this whole pledging thing, Tamaki. I'm happy for you, but this whole thing made me realized how messed up we are. It's not healthy to keep going on like this. I can't handle being the one to always fix and compromise and solve all our problems. It's too much.

I don't know if you've noticed, but it's not our relationship that's changed. It's you. And no, I'm not blaming it on the pledging thing. Even before that. Something about you changed. It's like you're scared of everything and everyone. I care about you and I want to protect you, but there's something wrong with it. There's something wrong with me always having to talk and think for you. I think... I think we should break up."

Her hands moved to wrap her arms around herself. Tears were streaming down her face. A million things were running through her mind, but she couldn't bring herself to say a single one of them.

He didn't dare look at her. He took one last sigh, "I'm sorry."

She didn't look up. Hearing the door slam was all she needed.


	3. Chapter 3

Reveal

She stayed in her room the entire day and even missed all her classes.

Her phone was constantly buzzing from messages, but she couldn't bring herself to look at it. She lay in bed with swollen eyes, having trouble settling with the fact that she couldn't rely on Kiba anymore. The only thing she wanted was to call and cry to him about her problems, but she couldn't. Not this time.

Not anymore.

A soft knock on the door made her poke her head up. She waited patiently, hoping it was Kiba to shout out that he was back. But instead, another soft knock came instead.

She crawled out of bed and opened the door.

Hinata, Sakura, and Ino were standing outside.

"Oh..." she choked up. The fact that they were there told her everything. They knew this was happening, and they were here to comfort here.

"Tamaki, I'm so sorry," Hinata teared up. "I'm so, so, so sorry."

She turned around and fell onto her knees in the middle of the room, sobbing once more.

They quickly entered the room, closing the door behind them. Ino and Hinata knelt down beside her while Sakura hugged her from the side.

"We're here for you," Ino said solemnly.

"T-th-thanks," she managed to speak in between her gasps. "I'm so stupid."

"No, you're not," Sakura gently pat her back. "I'm sorry Tamaki, we couldn't warn you."

"I tried really hard to talk to him," Hinata whispered. Tears were flowing out of her eyes. "He wouldn't listen to me. I didn't know what to do."

Tamaki buried her head into Sakura's shoulder. Even though she had cried all day, she couldn't stop the tears from leaking out. She didn't know where they were coming from, but being with her friends made her realize that this was reality.

They stayed with her for two hours, trying to comfort and console her. Eventually, her eyes dried out and she was able to assure them that she just needed time.

"We'll always be here for you," Hinata wiped her eye with a tissue. They were red now from crying with her. "Let us know if you need anything."

"Maybe we should go out for brunch this weekend," Ino suggested. "It's been a while since we all hung out."

"Good idea," Sakura nodded. "Girl time always helps."

"I'm sorry guys, I'm still pretty booked with pledging," Tamaki got up. "But as soon as I'm done, let's go out. I really appreciate this."

"Okay, we'll see you later then. Just text us if you want us to come over."

"Definitely," her throat was hoarse from all the crying. She held open the door as they left one-by-one, hugging her on the way out.

Once they were gone, her room felt so big and lonely. She blinked at the mess of tissues and clothes on the floor.

It was strange, but she actually felt better when they left.

The entire time, the girls were talking about how they had tried to talk to Kiba, tried to convince him that he was making a horrible mistake. They listened to her worries and were sympathetic, but the issue was, they were still his friends.

She loved them but she couldn't break away from the idea that they were still tied to him, no matter what happened. She wasn't about to ask them to stop being friends with him (that'd be crazy), but they reminded her of him.

He had just broken up with her and she was still grieving. All she wanted to do was forget about him. She'd eventually move onto the other stages of healing, but right now, remembering him was probably the worst thing to do.

* * *

For the next 3 days, she didn't talk to anybody. She went to lectures but missed discussion, avoiding any situation that would force her to speak. She didn't even bring her phone with her anymore; she left it on silent in her room. She caught up in her lessons as a way to keep her mind preoccupied. It was only a matter of time before somebody caught on to her though.

She had missed one pledge meeting and a fundraiser her class had put on. She knew she could be honest with them, but she didn't know how to tell anybody without breaking down crying.

At night, she opened her phone and skipped through all the notifications. The only thing her eyes scanned for was a message or missed call from Kiba. But again, there was nothing from him.

She stared at her phone wallpaper. It was an old selfie of them from their first semester. She was slightly pink from drinking alcohol, but she loved how silly they looked.

A loud banging noise shocked her. She stared wide eye at her door, but the banging kept coming.

Running over, she quickly opened it.

Rio and her pledge class were standing there, clearly upset with her absence the last few days.

"Where the fuck have you been, little?" she pushed right past her, leading the way for everybody else to pour in.

"I-"

"You didn't show up to the pledge meeting and we all got in trouble for not knowing where you were," Takano glared at her. He was a 3rd year student, normally quiet and serious, he was the oldest and the pledge class president.

"And you were supposed to be on duty today at the booth," Natsumi joined in.

"Yeah, I had to skip class to cover for you," Shoji frowned. He was a first year and possibly the complete opposite of Takano. Shoji had big dreams; he had the ability to grab people's attention and was always loud, making decisions based on a gut-feeling.

"I'm-"

"You better have a good explanation for this," Rio crossed her arms. "You've ignored all of our calls and messages. You didn't even warn me that you'd miss the pledge meeting."

Tamaki looked around at every single one of their faces. If they were worried before, that feeling was long gone now and replaced with anger. She stepped backwards until her backside hit the wall, slowly sliding down until she was sitting.

"I'm sorry," she stared down at the floor, sobbing from the flood of tears coming back. She had been doing so well not crying since the day of the break up. "I needed time to myself."

Aoi raised an eyebrow. He ignored her tone and responded bluntly, "What does that even mean?"

She sighed, digging her hands into her scalp. "Kiba broke up with me."

Her pledge class grew quiet. They had prepared a fiery of questions for her and hadn't expected such news.

"Oh, Tamaki," Rio kneeled down next to her. "What happened?"

She used her sleeve to wipe her face, looking down as she slowly explained what happened through more tears. They each found spots to sit in her room, listening respectfully as she poured her heart out. It was so much easier getting all the information out this time. They didn't really know her, and they didn't have an idea of who Kiba was or what their relationship had been like. She got to tell her side of the story without worry.

"I thought I could handle everything," she looked up, letting the droplets fall down gracefully. She wasn't sobbing anymore. "I had no idea what was going through his head; I ignored all the red flags because I was so preoccupied. I let my relationship fall apart, and I can't even blame it on pledging. I'm too afraid; I ignore and run away from things rather than facing them head on. I relied on him too much. I can never bring myself to say what's on my mind. If I can't even tell my boyfriend how I feel, how am I going to survive anywhere else?"

Sitting next to her, Natsumi grabbed her hand, holding it tightly.

Tamaki closed her eyes, laughing. "I'm a miserable mess. I joined this fraternity because I wanted to be more confident. Pledging is almost over and I thought I made so much progress, but here I am, stuck with the same loser attitude. I'm a total fake. And while I've been walking around with this sore, stubborn attitude, I've wasted all your time."

"Tamaki, that's not true," Rio spoke softly.

"I'm not sure if this'll make you feel better..." A dirty blonde haired girl sat across from her, picking at the loose lint on a sweater that Tamaki had left out. "But you're not the only fake one here."

"Temari, what are you talking about?" Takano asked.

"I'm saying, Tamaki's not the only one here," she sighed. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. "I'm a 2nd year student. I have a bitchy attitude and I'm way too proud for my own good. Recently, I've been seeing this guy and I know he has a girlfriend, but I can't stop myself. I keep wanting to see him and I can't bring myself to ask him to break it off with his girl. I'm selfish but I don't want to be seen as needy. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I feel like I've stooped so low."

She laid back on the carpet while the others stayed silent.

"You know," Natsumi twirled her hair around her finger. "I'm so scared of graduating. You guys don't need to tell me that I have a lot of time because I'm only a second year, but... The idea of having to take on my dad's company really scares me. I feel like I'm going to fail. I know I'm not smart and people think I'm shallow. I'm trying my best to change that, but whenever I talk to people, all I imagine is them silently judging me before they hear what I have to say."

Takano ruffled Natsumi's hair, putting on a lopsided smile. "You know, you guys really get to me. I'm a 3rd year and I've got nothing. It took me this long to finally start focusing on school and my career. I'm envious of you guys - I wish I was half as driven as any of you. I'm grateful for the responsibilities you've given me as president, but honestly, I'm anxious about letting you guys down. The whole 'quiet type' is just a facade. I'm a pretty horrible person for tricking you all."

"Come on guys," Shoji grumbled. "At least you all are honest. I sleep with girls so that I don't feel lonely. I'm scared of commitment and all I dream about is money. My parents messed me up too much, that I rely on getting high to forget about my problems. Sometimes I'm worried I'll fall back on old habits..." His voice trailed off, not wanting to bring up his criminal history despite being so young. They all knew of his past; he had gotten drunk and spilled all his secrets during a party.

They all turned their heads to Aoi, expecting an open answer from the usual sarcastic boy.

"What is this, a pity party?" he mumbled into his arms. "You know I have trouble talking about... feelings and shit..."

Shoji looked away, covering his mouth to try and stifle his laugh. He failed miserably and the feeling ended up being contagious.

They all laughed loudly at themselves, falling over with relief from the serious rant session. For the first time, Tamaki was finally able to let loose. Her lungs felt clear as she took in a big breathe, still smiling at the others.

"Jesus christ," Rio grinned. "You guys have got to be the messiest class ever. What were we thinking when we gave you all bids?"

"You guys made the best fucking decision ever, that's what," Shoji sat up straight.

The others rolled their eyes while Natsumi giggled.

"Thanks guys," Tamaki spoke up. "I love you."

"Aww!" Natsumi pounced on her, giving her a giant hug. "Group hug!"

"Ugh," Aoi was pulled in by Takano and Shoji, standing uncomfortably as they all shared a warm embrace.

* * *

The initiation ceremony went smoothly. They answered questions about the fraternity's history, swore in, and were given their official regalia that showed they were now brothers.

Following the tradition, a banquet was held afterwards where all the brothers attended, congratulating the new initiates. Speeches were given and gifts were exchanged between the big and little pairings, as well as to the pledge educator that had been breathing down their necks the entire time.

Tamaki and her class were gathered outside, preparing for the "talent" portion of the night. The new initiates were always required to perform something during the banquet. It was normally just another way to haze them into doing something ridiculous and embarrassing one last time.

She had taught everybody short portions of popular kpop dances. It was simple enough for them to put together, and definitely a crowd pleaser when the guys were front and center dancing to songs normally performed by girls. They rehearsed one last time before Takano called for a short session.

They stood close in a circle with their arms around each other's shoulders.

"I just wanted to say, you guys are the best," he grinned. "We've come so far, and as president, I really am proud of you all. We're all brothers now, and I hope we can continue staying this close, even as we progress and make more successes. We all have internships lined up for this summer and thanks to Tamaki, we've gotten so much closer than I ever expected."

"Yep, thanks for getting your heart broken. Way to take one for the team," Aoi rolled his eyes.

Natsumi swiftly kicked his shin, making him yelp.

"Thanks, Natsumi," Tamaki grinned. "And thanks for lifting me back up. I really thought I'd be de-pledged after that."

Shoji jumped up and down. "We're the best fucking class ever."

"Yeah, yeah," Temari smirked. "Let's get this over with."

Takano put his right hand in the center of the circle. "On the count of three."

Everybody else followed his command, knowing their class cheer all too well.

"One...

Two...

Three..."

"Alpha Delta, alpha delta!"

* * *

Tamaki looked around her room. She had cleared out all of her belongings and only the furniture was left.

"Wow, I think this is the first time I've ever seen the floor clean."

Rio was leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed.

"Ha ha, very funny," Tamaki put her hands on her hips. "I promise I'll keep your place clean."

All of the first years had spent the last 3 days moving out, and Tamaki had taken the longest. She procrastinated and waited until the last minute before she cleared her things out. All of the others were already back home with their parents, at the other side of town, over an hour's drive from the university.

Even though it was summer vacation, she would be staying close by for a majority of it. Her summer internship was at a start up that was downtown, located closer to the school than from her home. Rio's housemate would be gone for the summer and she'd be subleasing the room while she worked. All of her things were packed inside Rio's car, ready to be moved over. Afterwards, she'd take a train home and enjoy her summer vacation for one week before she came back to start working.

"Don't be sad that it's over, be happy that it happened," Rio reminded her in a singsong tone.

"I'm not sad," Tamaki exhaled. "Just can't believe what happened this year."

"Me neither," Rio walked over and sat on the bare mattress. "I was super against picking up cause I thought you guys were all scrubs, but here I am - your super amazing, beautiful, and perfect big. I guess you're cool enough for me."

Tamaki rolled her eyes. "I need to drop off my keys at the housing office, then we can go."

"You don't want to say bye to any of your friends?"

"No, I think they all moved out already," she started twisting the dorm keys off her key ring. "I'll see them all this Saturday. My friend's having a little summer pool party as like a reunion."

"Is Kiba going to be there?"

"Mhmm," she sighed. "But I'm not staying long. I'm probably going to just drop by to say hi. I have a doctor's appointment that afternoon to fix my female organs."

"I think having sex fixed everything for me," Rio joked. "But are you going to be okay? That'll be your first time seeing him since..."

"I'll just... try to avoid him. Come on, let's go."

"Okay, but if you need me to come over and kick ass, let me know."

They left her dorm for the very last time. Returning the keys was bittersweet, but she was glad to be out. This summer was going to be fun. She was going to make up for the last semester and move on from the unnecessary feelings.

* * *

Being home meant chores, chores, and more chores. She helped tidy the house and do things that her grandmother couldn't do herself but wasn't willing to pay help for. Today was Ino's pool party.

It wasn't exactly a tradition, but she did try to throw one every summer, and this would be Tamaki's first time seeing everybody since the breakup. After being initiated, final exams were shoved down her throat so she wasn't granted the free time she would've liked to see and catch up with everybody.

Looking in the mirror, she wished she had packed more clothes for the party. She had brought her bikini, but after seeing her reflection, decided it was best to not go swimming. She was just going to stop by real quick anyways, so it wasn't really necessary; she ended up settling on a t-shirt and short shorts. Luckily, it was the end of May, so the weather wasn't too hot.

Bringing a watermelon, she went around the back knowing that nobody would answer the door anyways. The usual group was there, along with some girls that looked to be from Ino's sorority. She recognized some of them from the photos but had never formally met them.

"Tamaki!" Sakura ran over, giving her a big hug.

"Hi," she smiled sweetly. "It's been forever."

"I know! You pretty much disappeared. How have you been?"

Sasuke walked over, nodding at her. "Good to see you're not dead."

"I know, right?" Tamaki giggled. "But hey, you can call me a frat boy now."

"Here, I'll bring this into the kitchen to cut," Sakura took away the watermelon, leaving her alone with Sasuke.

"Any plans this summer?"

"I got an internship with a tech startup. I'll be in their business rotational program, so it'll give me a better idea of what I want to do."

"Ah congrats. Although I'm not surprised. Lambdas always have something lined up."

"Mhmm, what about you?"

Before he could answer, Naruto was calling her over. They both looked to see him sitting on a lawn chair, right next to Shikamaru and Kiba. One other girl was with them that she didn't recognize.

Sasuke gave her a side glance. "You don't have to go over, you know."

"It's... It's fine," she sighed. "I'll have to say hi eventually. Can you at least come with me?"

"Hn," he nodded and they walked over.

Shikamaru was leaning back on the lawn chair while Naruto was sitting at the foot of it. Kiba was sitting upright on the lawn chair next to them. A red haired girl was behind his chair, resting her elbows on the back portion of it. She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything as they came forward.

"Hi guys," Tamaki tried smiling. She avoided eye contact with Kiba and he was doing the same, looking in the distance at the pool.

"Tamaki, you didn't party with us after finals!" Naruto whined. His hair was a lot longer than she remembered. "And you never talk in the group chat. Where have you been?"

"Oh, sorry," she smiled sheepishly. "We had a big send off for the graduating seniors in our frat, so I couldn't make it that night. But I'm not pledging anymore, so I'll definitely have more time from now on."

"Are you going to be staying here the entire summer?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Actually, no," she shifted her weight onto one leg, holding onto her other arm. "I'm only here for a week. I'll be staying at my big's apartment because my internship's downtown and the commute's a lot shorter if I live there."

"Where's your internship at?" Shikamaru asked.

"It's at a startup," she looked over at him; he had that same, lazy look he always wore. "They develop software that's used in the pharmaceutical industry for prescriptions. It's used..."

She stopped talking upon seeing the necklace he was wearing. It seemed ridiculously familiar, and it wasn't something most people had. It was a circular silver pendant with a black metal bar piercing down the middle, hanging on a silver chain.

"What's wrong with you?" the girl behind Kiba finally spoke up. She had an eyebrow raised and her tone was harsh, almost as if testing her.

"Shikamaru, did... did you always have that necklace?" she furrowed her brow as she pointed at it.

"Oh," he looked startled by her discovery. "Um, no I got it recently."

She tilted her head, trying to remember where she had seen it before. "Is it a logo for a brand or something?"

"No..." he started off slowly, suspicious of what she was getting at. "Have you seen it before?"

"It's just a necklace," the girl snorted. "What's the big deal?"

Tamaki stared at the rude girl, wondering who she was and why she was leaning so close to Kiba. He didn't say anything when the girl put her hands on his shoulders, but stared at his phone instead.

She wanted to do everything to tell the girl off. Her bikini top was an ugly shade of yellow and was practically covering nothing. She wanted to comment how her bronzer was too streaky and that her hair was dyed horribly, but she couldn't. The two girls kept eye contact; the red head was obviously challenging her.

"Can I help you?" she finally glared hard at her, causing Tamaki to look away.

"There you are!" Ino threw her arm around Tamaki, pulling her close. "Sakura said you brought the watermelon."

"Oh, hey," Tamaki hugged Ino tightly, grateful for the save even if it wasn't intentional. "Yeah, I wanted to bring something since I can't stay that long. Sorry about that."

"You have to leave early again?" Naruto waved his arms up dramatically.

"Yes, I do, and again, I apologize," Tamaki smiled. She pulled out her phone and checked the time. Her background was a selfie of her and the girls in her pledge class. "I have a doctor's appointment I need to get to."

"Hope it's nothing serious," Shikamaru added.

She stared at him blankly, putting her phone back in her pocket. "Not as serious as what I have to talk to you about."

He searched her face, trying to find some sort of hint as to what she was getting at.

"Are you guys dating or something?" the red head yawned. "Can't you take that somewhere else?"

"Shut it, Asami." Ino glared at her before pulling at Tamaki's arm. "Come on, let's go take a picture with Hinata and Sakura."

They walked away from the group towards the house.

"Who is that?" Tamaki muttered.

"Sorry," Ino cast her a sad look. "She's a girl in my sorority. I'm not close with her but she seems to have gotten to know Kiba."

"Are... Are they dating?"

"No, I don't think so. I think she likes him, but I don't know if there's anything going on between them."

Tamaki swallowed hard as they entered the house. In the family room, Sakura and Hinata were sitting on the couch, sipping on glasses of lemonade.

"Look who I have!" Ino announced loudly. "Picture time!"

"Tamaki!" Hinata got up to give her a hug. "It's been so long."

"I know, I missed you guys," she sighed loudly. "I can't wait till we live together. It'll be so much fun and we can decorate it however we like."

"How have you been doing?" Sakura's eyes softened. "Are you okay?"

"Getting... better?" she smiled awkwardly. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Okay," Hinata put her hand over hers for reassurance. "Just know that we're here for you."

"Thanks guys," Tamaki looked down.

They chatted about what happened the remainder of the school year after they had last seen her. Nothing crazy or new, just some stories about finals and how they felt about the end of their first year. They discussed plans for the summer and the upcoming move into their new apartment. It was a nice conversation, but Tamaki had to cut it short as she had to leave for her doctor's appointment.

She walked out the back, waving goodbye at everybody before exiting through the side. She stole a glance and noticed Kiba was still with that Asami girl. She ignored the feelings inside her stomach and hugged Ino before she left.


	4. Chapter 4

Starting

"Hello?"

"Rio," Tamaki's voice was quiet. She was standing in her room in front of a mirror, still stewing over what had happened. Her stomach had a little pooch that really bothered her, and her brown hair was messy from not being properly blow dried.

"What's wrong?"

"How... How can I be more like you?"

"Did something happen? Do you want me to come pick you up?"

"No, no," she sighed. She turned to see her profile view in the mirror. They weren't kidding about the freshman 15. "I just... I'm tired of being me. How can I be more like you?"

The line went silent except for some shuffling noises in the background.

"Rio?"

"Tamaki," she spoke slowly. Her tone had changed, she sounded like she was plotting something, reminding Tamaki of the times she had been hazed by the older girl during pledging. "How happy are you with yourself?"

"What? What are you referring to? My looks or-?"

"Everything. If you had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being that you're perfect and you wouldn't change a thing, what would you give yourself?"

She turned to face the mirror again, staring at the love handles that definitely didn't exist before.

"A two," she glared at her reflection. She wasn't fat, but she was just chubbier than she was used to. It almost looked like baby fat. It made her look younger than she actually was, which didn't help with the previous interaction with that bitch.

She even went to the party with the bare minimum of her makeup routine. What was she thinking? She could've at least put on lashes since her body was failing her.

"As a friend, I'd say there's nothing wrong with you and that you're beautiful, just the way you are," Tamaki could tell Rio was smiling over the line. "But as your big, if you tell me you're not happy, then trust - I'll help you, little. But you have to be willing."

"I am," she breathed out. "I'm so sick of... myself."

"Alright then. Just know that if you go overboard though, I'll still be here to stop you from doing anything too crazy. Now, when was the last time you did something spontaneous?"

She racked her mind, trying to pull together the events that occurred recently. "Well, during my first semester, Kiba and-"

"Tamaki, no," she cut her off harshly. "I mean when you made the decision to do something spontaneous."

"Uh..." she sat down on the carpet, thinking hard. "I don't..."

"Okay, this is clearly an emergency. Are you done with being home? Can I pick you up?"

"To be completely honest," she looked around her old childhood bedroom. It reminded her of everything she wanted to get away from. "Yes. But I still have my doctor's appointment, I'm about to head over now. It should be quick, I can probably come back and pack my things and be done by 5?"

"Okay, just let me know when you're done and I'll come over."

They hung up and she exhaled. Looking around her room, she couldn't believe she was about to stay there for an entire week. She still had old prom and high school photos on the wall. Not wanting to reminisce, she left for the doctor's immediately.

* * *

"Well, your blood work came back just fine. No signs of diabetes or anything. You said you just finished your first year in college?"

"Yes," Tamaki crossed her legs. The metal chair felt cold and uncomfortable, but she knew it was a common thing for hospitals. "My period started becoming irregular maybe about, 5 months ago?"

"Have you experienced any weight gain or loss this past year?"

"I think I gained weight," she shrugged. "Freshman 15."

"How about stress? Are you sexually active? Do you smoke or drink?"

"Not sexually active, no smoking, occasional drinking. I definitely was pretty stressed out this year, especially the last semester."

"Typically, when girls your age range experience weight gain or loss, or go through dramatic changes in terms of lifestyle, it can affect your period cycle. Especially for people that go to college, it can make changes to your body and it may take time for it to become regular again. Judging from how your tests came back negative for HIV and the other sexually transmitted illnesses, I would say it's just your body adjusting. I actually went through it myself during medical school. There's nothing to worry about."

Tamaki nodded, relieved that it was nothing serious. "Is there anything I can do to help it though? I've been spotting for the last 2 weeks and it's just really annoying."

"I would suggest trying to work out and find ways to reduce your stress levels, however, it still may take a couple months for your body to adjust. There are other methods to regulate it, and that would involve birth control," she walked over to the door where there was a wall of pamphlets displayed. She grabbed several and handed them back to Tamaki as she sat down again. "Most common for girls in your situation is the birth control pill. You don't have to decide today, you can always come back. University of Konoha also has an amazing clinic on their campus if you decide later on."

She opened the pamphlet and scanned through the side effects. "Can you tell me more about this one?"

* * *

Tamaki threw her duffel bag in the backseat before climbing into the front. Putting on her seat belt, Rio gave her a look.

"Any reason why you're coming back like, a week early?"

"I saw him for the first time today," she sighed, running her hand through her hair. She was sweaty from the summer heat and humidity. It had been a while since she had a haircut and her bangs were completely grown out. "I'm a total klutz."

"That bad?" The car pulled away from the house, going at a rate that was too fast for a residential area.

"I'm not drunk enough to talk about it right now," she rolled her eyes. "What's the plan, chief?"

"Well, it's too late now to do anything, but first thing tomorrow, we're going out. I low key stalked your Facebook profile and realized you've looked and dressed the same since like, the beginning of your social media life. So you have one night to decide - hair salon or tattoo/piercing parlor?"

Tamaki stared out at the road. She recognized all the houses and buildings in this part of town. This is where she grew up; where she spent a majority of her life. In high school, she was so happy and had so much more confidence, but when she moved out to college, something in her changed. It was like she lost a part of herself and turned into a timid, scared kitten.

Ever since this afternoon, she had been pondering over Rio's question: when was the last time she was spontaneous?

"Fuck it," she threw her arms up, hitting her wrist against the window. "Why not both?"

"Holy shit," Rio laughed loudly. "So you're _depressed,_ depressed. Alright little, get ready. This summer's going to be so much fun."

* * *

Tamaki stared at the mirror, gaping at her reflection. She couldn't believe it.

"How do you feel, darling?" Her hairstylist picked up the towel from her shoulders and folded it away. He was a young man with a nose ring. His own hair was dyed a beautiful blue and purple ombre. "Your hair really took in the color. It's been a while since I handled somebody with virgin hair."

"I-I love it," she gushed. "Oh my god. I don't even look like me."

She turned her head, watching her hair bounce back and forth. She had bleached it platinum blonde, and with Rio's suggestion, cut it shoulder length, with the front a bit longer than the back. Her bangs had grown out and he trimmed them to slightly frame her face. She went along with the hairstylist's suggestion and kept her middle part.

All throughout middle school and high school, she had the same boring brown hair with blunt bangs and mid-back length. This was the most dramatic change she had ever done, and possibly, the only change.

Her hands felt the tips. The last time she had short hair was probably in elementary school.

Rio stepped forward, grinning at her through the mirror. She had been spontaneous as well and added hot pink peekaboo highlights.

"New year, new you?" she joked. "Ready for part two?"

Tamaki looked back at her, feeling butterflies in her stomach, but nodded anyways. They paid and left the hair salon and drove out to Rio's favorite tattoo and piercing shop.

A man with several piercings in his ear greeted them. "Do you ladies have an appointment?"

"We don't," Rio stepped forward. "My friend over here wold like to get something pierced."

His eyes scanned the back of the room where several other artists were already working on customers. "If it's a piercing, I should be able to do it. My next appointment isn't for another hour. What would you like?"

"Um..." she nervously grabbed her other arm. "What would you suggest?"

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Sorry, she's just nervous," Rio smiled, putting an arm around Tamaki. "It's her first time and she really wants to do something big before the school year."

"Well..." he looked at her from head to toe. "For your first time, the easiest would be something on your ears. If you're open to being a little daring, I'd say belly button. Most girls your age seem to go for that."

Tamaki shared a look with Rio and breathed in deeply, looking back at the man and nodding. "Belly button sounds fun. I've always wanted to start wearing crop tops."

He smirked and pulled out a clipboard with forms on it. "Fill these out and have your ID ready. I'll go get the station set up."

She quickly filled out the papers while Rio walked around the front portion, looking at all the different jewelry the shop sold.

"What did you get done here?" She didn't look up while she signed her name. "You said you come here a lot?"

"Yeah, good times," Rio grinned. "Used to have a nose ring but I took that out. Just some tattoos, my ears, belly button..." She walked behind Tamaki and whispered, "Nipples."

Tamaki stopped writing and stood aghast. "Are you serious?"

"Yep," she skipped away to the binders that had the tattoo artist's portfolios. "I can show you when we get home."

Her eye twitched. Was it normal to just show your breasts to other people?

'Whatever,' she thought. She wasn't going to argue with her. If anything, she was amazed.

* * *

The first two weeks of her internship breezed through and wasn't what she expected. She was at ease with her coworkers despite being one of the youngest there. The CFO was a bit of jerk, but she didn't mind. It's not like she'd get along with everybody.

The first portion of her internship was in the sales department. Although she knew she never wanted to go into sales, this was a great way for her to work on her communication skills and build confidence (even when people hung up on her).

Because she didn't have a car, Tamaki had to take the bus for her commute. The ride was only about 25 minutes and she enjoyed the quiet time to relax and listen to music. At Rio's place, she followed her usual routine: eating a salad and changing into leggings and a t-shirt to go work out. As she pulled out her old sneakers, Rio surprised her by coming home an hour earlier than usual.

"Yo. Heading out?"

"Yeah, going running. I need to lose weight."

"What? You're already so thin."

"Not as thin as that red head bitch..." she muttered, tightening the laces. "I gained a lot of weight during my first year. I want to slim down to how I used to be."

Rio opened a bag of chips as she sat down on the couch. "If you really want to lose weight, you should come with me to dance. Chaos is having dance camp next week and it'll sweat your pores out. It's mainly for members but it's technically open for anybody to join."

"Rio, I can't dance," she raised an eyebrow. "I'd probably break something."

"I don't know," she looked down at her nails, trying to look innocent. "Maybe you can learn all those kpop dances you're always watching."

Tamaki glared at her. "How do you know about that?"

She shrugged, grinning evilly. "Does it matter? Your secret's safe with me."

"I'll think about it," she tied her short hair into a low pony tail. "By the way, I'll be out this Saturday. My class is planning a little beach trip."

"Noted. I'll make sure to clean up after the orgy."

Tamaki rolled her eyes and went out the front door, not bothering to lock it knowing that Rio would do it for her. She ran through the streets, still trying to get familiar with the neighborhood. Rio's place was quite close to the apartment that she'd be moving into later, so she planned her jog around the complex.

* * *

"Your hair!" Natsumi squealed at the site of Tamaki. "Now we're all blonde!"

Tamaki grinned as she hugged her and Temari. "Yep, new year, new me. No more boring Tamaki."

Takano walked by, ruffling her hair and carrying a large umbrella in his other hand. "There's nothing wrong with boring."

"Don't listen to him," Temari put on her sunglasses. "We welcome the new you with open arms."

"Can you girls help move stuff?" Shoji was carrying the cooler. Next to him, Aoi was silently packing on as many bags as he could on his arms.

"Ugh, fine," Natsumi whined. "Give me something light."

They finished unpacking the cars and brought the supplies out to a more secluded part of the beach near a small cave. They took advantage of the space and spread their towels, leaving their things out and blasting loud music on a portable speaker.

Natsumi, Temari, and Shoji stripped away while the others sat down. Takano was wandering around, trying to get signal on his phone so he could send an email.

"Tamaki, why aren't you taking off your shirt? Let's go swim!" Natsumi tied her hair into pigtails.

"Nah, I think I'm okay," she buried her feet into the sand, making small scoops to bring the sand up her ankles.

"Are you not going to swim?" Temari slathered on sunscreen. She watched as Shoji ran straight to the water, not even bothering to put on SPF. He was probably going to come back looking like a lobster at the end of the day.

"Didn't you say you fucking love the water or something?" Aoi laid back, putting on sunglasses.

"Yeah but... I think I brought the wrong swimsuit."

"Are you on your period?"

"No, I think I gained a lot of weight or something. My swimsuit's kind of tight and I don't want to accidentally flash somebody."

"I thought you said you were losing weight?" Temari leaned over and pulled up her shirt, trying to get a good look.

"Hey!" She blushed and snapped the fabric back down. "I am, but I must be eating too much or something. I feel like my bras don't even fit me anymore."

Natsumi dropped down onto her knees to get closer to Tamaki. "Didn't you say you started birth control recently? That affects your weight."

"Do you guys not realize that I'm right here?" Aoi's head popped up. "I'm a guy. With a fucking penis."

"Shut up and go back to sleep, Aoi." Temari snapped at him.

He grumbled something that sounded like "crazy bitches" and covered himself with a towel.

"Yeah, I started it last month. That's why I've been running so much. Last time I checked, I lost 7 pounds but it must not be working if this bikini's too tight. This used to be too big for me."

"You know, I grew from a B to a C after going on birth control," Natsumi said. "I don't think you're getting like, fat... I think the pill's just having some side effects. Your arms and legs look the same to me, and your waist looks like it's gotten smaller so the running is working."

"Maybe you need to go shopping," Temari suggested. "Have you not noticed your bras getting tighter?"

She shrugged. "I'm kind of lazy, so I just wear sports bras at work. It's safer that way in case I bend over or anything."

"Let's go shopping tomorrow!" Natsumi grinned. "I could use some new outfits for work."

"Sounds good to me," Temari stood up. "So are you just going to sit there all day and not swim then?"

Tamaki sat for a moment, looking back at Aoi who looked dead. Shoji was still prancing around in the water like a maniac. "You know what," she exhaled. "Who cares."

She ripped her top over her head and jumped up. "I'm tired of being self conscious."

"Yaaaaas!" Natsumi yelled, looping her arm with Tamaki's. "I love this new you!"

The rest of the day was relaxing and filled with laughter. They caught up with each other, talking about their horrible grades thanks to pledging and what their internships were turning out to be like.

They left the beach and had a group dinner at a nearby gyukatsu restaurant. As Tamaki looked around the circle of friends, she realized how close they had gotten. Their conversations flowed so well, no more awkward pauses or the need to fill in with small talk. It was strange to think that they had only met that year and they were already this attached to each other.

It was nice having a group of friends like this. They were all driven professionally, and despite their very different personalities, they still shared common interests that brought them together. The pledging process probably erased a year or two off her lifespan, but it really had worked.

This gathering reminded her of her old high school group. She hadn't spent proper time with them in so long, and seeing them at the pool party wasn't as appeasing as she thought it'd be. Too much had changed.

It was almost like they were being replaced.

* * *

That night, they were hanging out at Aoi's new apartment. He had found an apartment in the same area that Tamaki would be moving in. None of his housemates had yet moved in, so he had the entire place to himself.

His family was pretty well-off; they owned a popular convenience store chain that had hundreds of locations. Aoi took advantage of the wealth and fully stocked the apartment with furniture and electronics.

They were lounging around the apartment, chatting and having some reality competition show play in the background.

Tamaki and Natsumi were comparing photos to post on Instagram. They had taken so many and wanted to make the right decision.

She finally settled on a photo of herself, Natsumi, and Temari. The three of them were sitting together on the beach, their backs to the camera. The sun was setting and she had on Natsumi's big, floppy sun hat to cover her newly bleached hair.

Aside from Rio and her class, nobody knew about her changes.

She captioned the photo: "We enjoy long walks on the beach when we're not dying at work" and tagged them both in it.

After posting the photo, she scrolled through her own page. Over half the pictures were of her and Kiba.

She cringed. "Would it be weird if I deleted all my old pictures with Kiba?"

Aoi gave her a side glance. "I think that's up to you."

Shoji was sitting behind her on the couch and looked over her shoulder. "Wow, you guys do have a lot of photos together."

Natsumi shrugged, "If I hated the ex, I'd delete the photos. If the break up was fine, then I left them."

"If she deletes them though, it's going to be really obvious. Look at her Instagram," Shoji pointed at her phone.

The others searched her up and began scrolling through.

"Geez, do you have any other friends?" Aoi mumbled.

Temari tried slapping the back of his head but he dodged it, smirking.

"It's up to you, Tamaki." Takano adjusted his glasses. "But from what we've talked about today, it sounds like you're trying to forget him. I think deleting them would be a good step for you."

"Just fucking delete them," Aoi yawned and threw his phone aside. "He's a waste of space on your timeline. You don't need him."

Natsumi leaned forward to grab her drink. "If I were in your situation, I'd do it. New you, right?"

She bit her lip and looked at the photos one more time. Today was one of the first days in a long time where she was genuinely happy. She hadn't missed him because he had been pushed so far back in her mind. She wanted to forget him, but deleting the pictures would be a big statement. What if he saw that she got rid of them?

"What's his Instagram look like?" Temari asked.

Tamaki pulled it up and immediately regretted it. She hadn't been very active on Instagram since work started, so she hadn't seen the most recent picture.

She held it up for Shoji to see behind her.

The picture was a selfie of that girl Asami. She was wearing sunglasses and holding up a peace sign. In the back, Kiba seemed to be caught off guard. He was holding a bottle of beer and wearing a tank top. The caption read: "#hacked."

"Alright now," Shoji grabbed her phone out of her hands.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Tamaki turned around. She was sitting on the floor and tried to take the phone back from him.

"Deleting the photos for you. You'll thank me for this," he turned around so that he was facing the back of the couch, holding the phone away from her reach.

She didn't fight it and sat back down, a queasy feeling in her stomach. Aoi looked at her and held out his glass. It was a mixture of whiskey and cola. She didn't stare at it for long before taking it from him.

"Thanks."

* * *

The next day, Tamaki met up with Temari and Natsumi at the mall. They went straight for one of the lingerie stores for her to get properly measured.

To her surprise, she had indeed gone up in size.

She came out of the fitting room with an embarrassed look on her face. "I'm a 32A or 30B now."

Temari tilted her head. "What were you before?"

"30A...?" her eyes looked around the store. "I've only been on birth control for a month. How does that work?"

"The magical powers of a woman's body," Natsumi sang. She held up two cute, lacy bras. "These are on sale!"

"Ugh, I just started work. I'm going to spend all my money on this."

"Good thing our internships pay a shit ton," Temari held up a pair of silk panties. "I can't imagine working a regular part-time job now."

Tamaki ended up buying several new bras, picking out whatever was on sale. Natsumi and Temari bought their own things as well. Afterwards, they took their time walking around the mall, window shopping while sipping on milkshakes.

They stopped in front of a store. The mannequins had on edgier outfits, dressed in all black.

"Ugh, I wish I could dress like that," Tamaki whined.

"Why not? I think it'd look good with your new look." Temari stared at the leather jacket.

"You think? I've always been into the grunge, goth thing. I just thought it wouldn't fit me."

"There's only one way to find out!" Natsumi headed straight in. "I'm not into this stuff. I went through a phase but I realized pink is more my color. If you want, you can have all my old clothes. I was planning on donating them anyways."

Tamaki and Temari followed after her. They lingered in the store, slowly browsing through the items and grabbing whatever was discounted. Tamaki looked up at Temari from across a display, and the dirty blonde eventually caught on.

"Can I help you?"

"Temari..." Tamaki started. "The person you talked about a long time ago. The guy. When we were having our rant session."

"Yes...?" She raised an eyebrow.

"It's a first year, isn't it? His name is Shikamaru."

Temari looked surprised and put down the shirt she was holding. "How do you know that?"

"He's actually my high school friend. I saw him when I saw Kiba and all my other friends. He was wearing the same necklace that you always wore, and I kind of just put two and two together."

She scoffed and snatched a skirt that was hanging nearby. She pretended to examine it, but her mind was obviously somewhere else. "I can't believe that asshole is still wearing it. He gave it to me when we first started talking, but I returned it the last time I saw him. I pretty much ghosted him since he wouldn't break up with his girlfriend. Do you know the girl, too?"

Tamaki nodded. "She's in the same friend group. I'm really sorry, Temari. I can't believe he'd do something like that. I've known him for a long time now, and I never thought he'd cheat."

She sighed, giving Tamaki a sad smile. "He probably thought it was too troublesome to break up."

Her words were so accurate, it hurt. Tamaki didn't know how to comfort her friend, but she really wanted to be there. Temari was always looking after her and now she was stuck in the middle. She could do something if she wanted to - she could rat out Shikamaru or confront him, but the fact that he chose Ino over Temari was probably too much.

"Don't worry about it," she exhaled, before giving her a confident grin. "It's summer. The best time for flings. Let's move on together, okay?"

* * *

If anybody's curious as to what Tamaki's haircut is modeled after, I was trying to describe it like CLC's Yeeun during the No era. She looked AMAZING.


End file.
